It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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