Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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