Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
