I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
