i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
