I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
