It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
