can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You ruined the universe
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
