why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
