the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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