Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
