i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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