There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just tell him i said nine months
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
