We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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