there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
