I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
