Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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