Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
