I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
