Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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