Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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