Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
