She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
