Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
