Im at strip club and am horny
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
