thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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