best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
