Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
