she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to calm my uterus...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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