Midget sex pt 2 tonight
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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