I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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