Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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