Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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