so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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