fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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