I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
