I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
