Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
