My underwear smells like fireworks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
