I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
