some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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