you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
