Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize