Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
