I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize