i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
