Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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