please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
be right there i have to get my cape
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
