If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
