She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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