think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
