Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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