M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize