They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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