I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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