well I can't set my house on fire every night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
