sarcasm needs its own font
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
