I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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