Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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