it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
