break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
