so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
