Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
