Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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