so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
