$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
