This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
