if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
