my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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