you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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