Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
