evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
