Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize