if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
