And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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